Goals

Counting down to the end of 2009 and getting ready for 2010. Or, "twenty-ten" as I like to call it. 2009 has been interesting. Let's re-cap:

-I competed in my first national shows. One in Charleston and the other in Manhattan. Learning how to travel for shows was an experience I hope to never have to repeat. But, I got through it.
-My parents got remarried after 13 or so years of divorce. Wow, right?
-I officially moved in with someone, and then we broke up. Go figure.
-I paid off both of my credit cards! Yes, I'm still dancing about that one.

I have high hopes for next year (in no particular order):
-Pay off my car (only a few payments left)
-Attempt to balance my life with competing a little better
-Go Pro!
-Be more agreeable while dieting

I'm sure there are other things that will crop up but as of now, that's the list. I think a lot of things full under the balancing my life umbrella. But, with the next item being to turn pro, I really do need to Focus, Focus, Focus.

Next year I'll be going at it all alone. It has it's good points and it's bad. But, in the end it's all me next year. So I really have no excuse not to focus 100% on me. This has been described as a selfish sport and it really is. In order to truly go far, I need to give it my all. And so now I suppose I won't feel guilty for not having anything left to give anyone else. And when I feel lonely and isolated next year, I'll just have to remember that this is the path that I've chosen.

And then what? Go pro and then what? Well, then the goal becomes the Olympia. (Duh!) Point is, I can't compete forever. No one wants to see a saggy old lady in a Merry Christine suit. Ew! But there is a life post-competition and that is something I have to think about. At some point I might like to try my hand in a relationship again. Maybe. Or, not spend oodles of money on chicken and asparagus. The supplement companies can really stand to do with less of my money and more of someone elses. And maybe, just maybe, I can go on vacay that has nothing to do with rugby (the previous money black hole) or figure competitions. Buy a house and get a dog.

Yes, for all of you out there thinking it, I know that I can't live this way forever. But, for now, this is the choice that I've made. It's important to me. Let's see how far I can really go, shall we?

Twenty-Ten

Today I officially said the words. The same words I've said for the past 3 years around this same time. Ready? "I miss contest prep."

Yes, I know. Just a few weeks ago I was bitching about the hours and hours of cardio I was doing. How tired I was and how sick to death I was of eating the same thing, day in and day out. I was tired of going to bed at 8pm only to wake up at 4am for cardio. Tired of having to go to work at all as I viewed it as a huge inconvenience to my workout schedule. Tired of feeling run down all the time. Tired of coming home to feel guilty about neglecting everyone there. Absolutely sick and tired of answering the same questions over and over again.

"What are you eating?"
-food
"You have to be really careful about what you eat, huh?"
-uh, yeah"
Can I have some?"
-hell no
"Oh, cause it's all weighed out and stuff?"
-yeah, and I only get 60z of white meat and that's it. go back to your donut
"You look tired, is everything ok?"
-i've been up since 4am and have already done 70 minutes of cardio. i'm not done...
"oh."

That's a pretty accurate example. Note to all that are reading, competitors don't share food. We need it, ALL of it. And while I wouldn't really tell someone to go eat a donut, I do point out that non-competitors have options. Those dieting have their alloted serving of lean protein, veggies, and if lucky, a carbohydrate or fat source.

But despite all that, I miss it. It's ok though. I've got Twenty-Ten repeating in my head. Next year's competition season is going to be awesome! It's like the scheduling god's smiled down on me and arranged things the way I'd like. Hell, they even sent a national show to Texas! It'll be a lean summer for me. Chicago, Las Vegas, New York, and Houston, with a final stop in Atlanta. I'm excited.

And so I keep telling myself, Twenty-Ten! That's 2010 for y'all at the back of the bus. So with the future in mind, I'll be patient right now. Train hard, watch my diet, and remember what it's like to step on stage. It's the off season in which gains are made.

Go hard or go home!

I'm not bitter though

Ahhh yes, moving. Time to expand on that little blurb. Well, I'm not the first competitor whose relationship didn't survive the season. It wasn't entirely due to my competing. There were a great many factors that caused ended it. To be completely honest, of the last 4 years, 3.5 have been kinda rocky. But, I've also been competing for 3.5 years. Competing can put a strain on a relationship and it did on mine. But, it wasn't all my fault. To be fair, my now ex has dealt with a lot. Financial issues, death, loss of job, more financial issues, depression, etc. Sometimes it's all just too much. And as I told a friend, sometimes people just grow apart.

I guess my ex has wanted out for a while now. I wish I'd known that before I paid to have the trees removed, bought a new dryer, and had the shelves installed. Oh well. So now it's time for me and the cat to move on.

off season

Busy, busy, busy! Life has had it's ups, it's downs, some twists, and some turns. I'm done with my 2009 competitive season and am now embracing the off season. Unlike in previous off seasons where my goal was to build muscle, I'm now aiming to streamline my physique a bit. Maybe bring down my waist and legs a bit all the while maintaing or adding a teensy bit of size to my arms and delts. Add some width to my back (hello pull ups!) but no more depth. That'll mean a slight change to my normal approach to lifting this winter. More plyos, bleachers, sprints, and hills. It actually should be more fun and I'm looking forward to it. I've been kinda doing what I want food and gym-wise since returning from New York but I think I'm ready to receive my official off season plan from Jeff.

Another goal this off season is to maintain my weight a bit better than in previous years. Since I'm not in need of a huge bulk then there's no need for me to gain a huge amount of weight really. My goal is to stay closer to contest weight than I have before. Now, I'm a pretty heavy girl. At 5'2" I think I probably weighed 120ish on stage this season. In the off season I can easily gain 30 or so pounds. It's amazing because I don't physically get huge, I just weigh a lot. I wouldn't be suprised if I'm up 20 pounds right now and I'm still fitting into my "skinny" clothes. It amazed both Jeff and myself how heavy I was while dieting. That's why I stopped relying on the scale. It did nothing but screw with my head.

So, to stay closer to stage weight I'm going to embark on something radical for me. I'm going to watch my cheats and really minimize my alcohol consumption. I don't drink at all during the season and have no problem abstaining. BUT, in my previous off seasons I've often found myself at happy hour. Bartending also provides easy access to alcohol. Not this year. I think it's really important to stay within close range and not drinking (so much) will definately help.

So, there. That's the plan. Streamline my physique and stay within show weight. Here's to the winter of 09!On another note .., I have to move. AGAIN! Ugh! So much for domesticity...

A long time coming

First day back at work and I'm feeling incredibly unproductive. Staring off into space, shuffling papers around, and just standing there. Vacay was nice but I need to get back into the swing of things.

My 2009 competitive season came to a close 2 weekends ago. Now for the off season. Time to make gains as I told my trainer. I have some areas that I want to work on physically. Bring up my shoulders some more. The rear is forever an area that could use work. And keep up the progress that I've made on my back.

I also have other physical areas to work on. Those beauty areas that the judges also look at. Hair, nails, skin, etc. Get in touch with my inner femme is the goal. I want to come into 2010 as a completely polished package.

And then there are those other areas. I finally have the extra cash to start doing things around the house which really excites me. And being able to spend on myself in areas not related to competing is a definite bonus. Yes, I'm going shopping. BUT, I'm doing so completely within my means. I've come a long way and it's about time!

Thanks

What I thought about yesterday during cardio:
1. I am so thankful that I've stayed healthy during the final show's prep. I normally start to feel that icky feeling at some point which is usually followed by a sore throat or cold. No sickness this time around.
2. I thankful for my coach, Jeff Dwelle. Even though he's not there at the time, I still hear his voice pushing me. It's been a tough prep but not impossibly so. If it were easy, everyone would do it. I'm especially thankful that I no longer have to stress about my progress. I do what he says and leave the guess-work up to him.
3. I'm thankful for my partner. I've been pushing so hard that I haven't had the time or energy to tend to the little things. I'm fortunate to have someone who's done the laundry, made grocery runs, fed my cat, cooked my food, etc. It's taken a huge weight off my shoulders.
4. I'm thankful for my friends. They're eager to see me, but understand my commitment and support me all the way. It's hard because I'm so focused right now and have 0 time for anything at the moment. But they're there and I love them.
5. I'm thankful for each and everyday that I wake up and am able to train. Somebody didn't wake up at all and has passed on. Somebody is bedridden and unable to move. Somebody has no passion for anything that leads them to try hard everyday. Somebody has yet to learn the benefits of exercise.
6. I'm thankful for my cat, Zillah. Where else could I find such unconditional love?
7. I'm thankful for my job. It sucks at times. And I'm currently stressed as I have a ton of things to do. But I have a job.
8. I'm thankful for having left the old me behind. That person is not forgotten, but is no longer here.
9. I'm thankful for the new and improved relationship I have with my family. I truly enjoy speaking with them and am looking forward to my visit in a week.
10. And finally, I'm thankful for all that I've learned this prep, and the progress that I've been able to make.

Lessons

Under the 2 week mark. I'm exhausted/sore/hungry/excited/ready! I can't believe that I've had such a long season. In fact, this is my longest yet. I've been dieting/training since January. January 11th to be exact. Over 9 months of dieting this year, which is almost 2 months longer than normal. I had hoped to continue on through November to compete in Florida at Nationals but I think my body is showing all the signs of needing rest. Ahhhh, rest.....But I digress. I've accomplished a lot this year. 4th place at the Ronnie Coleman Classic. From there I went on to place 3rd at the Jr USA's in Charleston. My first national-level show. It was rough. I have never in my life encountered so much difficulties in trying to achieve a goal. I mis-booked my flight and had to pay a huge fee to get another. I then discovered that I had no way from the show back to the airport. I'll never fly in/out of another city again!I found a way to the airport and then lost my two roommates. One had a death in the family, one just kinda quit. I then discovered a 3rd roommate that I hadn't quite realized was coming. Lucky for me she had a calm demeanor and saved the day. I also met a great lady who is a phenomenal athlete. We had a room. Because of my original flight issue, I had to drive 3 hours to fly from D/FW into Raleigh airport, rent a car, and then drive 4 hours to Charleston. Ugh! Just my luck I also woke up the morning I was leaving with a message that my place to stay before flying back to Texas fell through. Of all the luck!But, I made it there and back. I figure I got all the competition travel learning out of the way in one trip. It's all a learning experience, right?I next went on to compete at the Texas Round Up. I couldn't resist doing a hometown show. I placed 2nd there and kept training for my next show...Team Universe!So, here I am less than 2 weeks away. I'll be on a plane to New York next Thursday. I can hang in until then. It'll all be downhill at that point. And then, showtime!! Quickly followed by dinnertime!!!