Monday, March 29, 2010

Fist pump

I tried a new spin on my chicken that I'm going to share with you.

My plan calls for 2 meals of lean, white meat and I choose chicken. Keeping it simple, remember? Well, last week I had a craving for fajitas. What's a dieting girl to do? I could just see the steaming hot skillet in front of me. Chicken fajitas with sour cream, pico, some tortillas, black or refried beans, and a heaping side of mexican rice. Well, that's definately not in the plan. Or is it?

I decided to use a crockpot for the first time. There's been a lot of talk on crockpot recipes over on Siouxcountry so I decided to give it a whirl. 4 frozen chicken breasts + 1 packet of chicken taco seasoning=yumminess! That's it. I did this and left for work. Came back about 5 hours later and it was done and fabulous.

My plan calls for 2 slices of Ezekial bread and guess what I found? Ezekial tortillas! Um, chicken fajitas anyone? Top with salsa verde enjoy.

There was plenty of seasoning in the packet so next time I will probably put 5 or 6 breasts in the pot.

What other things did I discover this weekend? The Jersey Shore. Oh hell yeah. Trash tv at it's finest. I'll repeat what I told my mom. "When you're feeling low, it's nice to escape with some bad reality tv." Totally made me feel a little better. Nothing heals heartache like time and reality shows!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Keep stepping


Some days I feel larger than life. I'm focused, committed, and driven. I've got my eye on the prize and am very much able to shake off anything that should try to interfere. Those are good days.

Some days I'm ok. I'm not supercharged and I'm not down. I'm there, and able to perform. I may have various things on my mind and have to keep pushing them away. I know the goal and have to remind myself to stay on the path. Remind myself to not get distracted. Those days are good too. I still get it done in the end.

Some days I'm all a mess. My only thought is to lie in bed with the covers over my head. I want to be warm and safe and away from the chaos of life, which seems to be knocking at the door. But since I can't crawl back in bed, I have to find a way to at least make it through. It's a struggle. My body wants to settle for going through the motions. My mind can't quite focus enough on any one thing. Emotionally I may be up AND down at the same time. These days are hard. Today is one of these days.

At some point during my workout I realized that I wanted to both laugh and hit someone. And that feeling carried with me til the end. I had a pretty decent workday and workout. I made it through and was even slightly productive. But it was a struggle. I made it and now I'm sitting at home and the daze is setting in. I want to just curl up and sleep it all away but I can't. I still have to prep for tomorrow and ignoring that is not an option.

I gotta keep going. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

My heart is crying and I'm sad over everything that's happened. As I said earlier today, the bitch done did me wrong. It's got me angry and sad today. But, I can't curl up and not keep going. I have to keep going. Work through the pain and it'll be better. Sooner or later it will be better.

One day this will be a memory. Some day I'll be ok. I won't feel anything anymore about the situation. It will all be in the past and I'll be fully present in the moment.

I'm not sure when that day will get here. Until then I'm sure to have good days and bad days. But I'll make it through them. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

the fun cycle

Hey wow, I have followers!!! Hi All!

Progress update: Last Friday's weigh in I finally lost some weight! Yee Haw! I weigh in the morning and am hoping for similar results. Weight loss isn't always linear or steady or "fair." It is what it is. I've been working hard and sticking to my diet and cardio plan. Except today but I'll get to that in just a moment. Despite all that, the scale doesn't always reflect the amount of sweat left on the gym floor. We're talking I'm so sweaty that sometimes my clothes are clinging to my body and make that nasty smacking noise if you pull it from your body and then let it go. Nasty sweaty. But in a good sort of way. Despite all of that, sometimes the scale won't budge. And I'm not yet back in my skinny girl clothes. BUT, I'm getting there. Because I've finally stopped stressing about each and every step and just let myself take them.

Just take the steps, and the rest will follow in it's own time.

Today was a cardio only day for me. I'm supposed to do 60 minutes a day. Logged 25 this morning on the elliptical with the intent of getting outside this afternoon. I decided to run some bleachers and OMG I thought I was going to collapse. Only 25 minutes of bleacher sprints before my legs were shaking so much I was scared to attempt any more. So, today I'm 10 minutes short. My legs are still all tingly from the workout. I'm a little displeased with that but since it was a high intensity workout with lower carbs today AND my diet is on, I feel like it was ok. Not a rationalization I'd make closer to a show but I'm about 14 weeks out have some wiggle room. Some, but not a lot.

My body has started to realize that we're dieting and training and I hurt a lot. It's my immediate goal to get an extra half hour of sleep a night. I insist that I be in bed by 8:30pm. Yes, my social life suffers during my season but that's just the way it is. I'm up at 4:45am and need as much sleep as I can get. Sleep = rest and recovery for my body. That means I'm less grumpy during the day and can have better workouts. I also have less cravings. That all means better results and less stress. Less stress feeds back into better results and we're all happy. What a fun cycle.

So, with that in mind I've got to get my last meal in me because I've got an hour of awake time left. Workout bag and food is all ready for the morning and I've just got to sit here with my feet up and relax for a bit. Good times.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Get your fucking game face on

Whew! Sitting here with my feet up and feeling all sorts of sore and tingly. Can I just say how peaceful I feel? Yeah, I'm sore and spent and feeling quite peaceful. I had a "Come to Jesus" with myself. Life sometimes brings stress. And then what? Stress over the stress or just deal? Last week I decided that the stress wasn't getting me down anymore. Time to get my game face on. Time to handle my business. In the gym, at home, and at work. Get my fucking game face on!

What happened? Well, I hurt. All week long I hurt. I change my workouts every 3 weeks and last week was the start of a new set. I did legs on Tuesday and had to do a burp check. As in, stop for a second and make sure that the burpish feeling I had was really a burp and not vomit. We may need a mop here! Thankfully it was just a burp and I continued to grunt out the deadlifts. My legs hurt soooo badly until Thursday. Friday they were still sore but at least I could walk faster than an 80 year old lady. I was tired and pretty cranky. I played hermit on Saturday. It was gorgeous outside and I never changed from my pajamas. Sunday I hit the gym and voila! I could see it.

What was it I could see? Progress! My body peeking out from under my off season fluff! I weighed myself on Friday and had a good number. But I didn't truly see it until Sunday. Later that day I saw The Green Zone and what was the best line in the movie?

"Put your fucking game face on!"

I got all tingly at that moment. My cheat meal may have had something to do with the chills. Ohhh, carbs!!! But it was also that line. I needed to hear it again. That is my mantra this season. Game on bitches!

I repeated that today during my shoulder workout. Repeated it during cardio. I'm sore and spent and I feel good. I feel like I've turned a corner. I'm training. I'm an athlete and I'm doing what I do. I've put my game face on.

Oh hell yeah!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Getting through and moving on

It's been a while since posting. Things have been up, down, up, and back down again it seems. I'm officially packing and moving from my current home. I'm not sure if I mentioned that before. Seems as if my future life partner wasn't much of a partner at all. But I've found a new home for me and Miss Zillah and we'll be moving in at the beginning of April. It's a hugely upsetting situation but at least it's coming to a close soon.

Training has been going steadily. My body is moving, albeit very slowly. I'm starting to feel the changes take place which is nice. Lets me know that all my hard work isn't for nothing. I just wish things would happen a little faster. Or at least, at the same pace as everyone else that I know. It's hard to stay positive at times when everyone I know is losing a steady 1-2 pounds a week and I'm averaging half a pound a week. Arghhh! But, I'm just going to keep trucking along and hopefully things will start to really happen soon. Plus, the weather is getting nicer and I'm about ready to put on my smaller summer clothes again.

I think that's pretty much it for now. I'm really going to make a concerted effort to post more often. I admit that when things were really low, I didn't feel like sharing. It was bad enough that I was living through it. The last thing I wanted to do was rehash everything on-line. Now I'm ready to just get through and move on.