Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Keep stepping


Some days I feel larger than life. I'm focused, committed, and driven. I've got my eye on the prize and am very much able to shake off anything that should try to interfere. Those are good days.

Some days I'm ok. I'm not supercharged and I'm not down. I'm there, and able to perform. I may have various things on my mind and have to keep pushing them away. I know the goal and have to remind myself to stay on the path. Remind myself to not get distracted. Those days are good too. I still get it done in the end.

Some days I'm all a mess. My only thought is to lie in bed with the covers over my head. I want to be warm and safe and away from the chaos of life, which seems to be knocking at the door. But since I can't crawl back in bed, I have to find a way to at least make it through. It's a struggle. My body wants to settle for going through the motions. My mind can't quite focus enough on any one thing. Emotionally I may be up AND down at the same time. These days are hard. Today is one of these days.

At some point during my workout I realized that I wanted to both laugh and hit someone. And that feeling carried with me til the end. I had a pretty decent workday and workout. I made it through and was even slightly productive. But it was a struggle. I made it and now I'm sitting at home and the daze is setting in. I want to just curl up and sleep it all away but I can't. I still have to prep for tomorrow and ignoring that is not an option.

I gotta keep going. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

My heart is crying and I'm sad over everything that's happened. As I said earlier today, the bitch done did me wrong. It's got me angry and sad today. But, I can't curl up and not keep going. I have to keep going. Work through the pain and it'll be better. Sooner or later it will be better.

One day this will be a memory. Some day I'll be ok. I won't feel anything anymore about the situation. It will all be in the past and I'll be fully present in the moment.

I'm not sure when that day will get here. Until then I'm sure to have good days and bad days. But I'll make it through them. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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