KISS

New week and time for a new set of workouts. Had a good shoulder workout today. Went a little heavier to keep my body guessing but not too heavy. Coach would like me to keep my shoulder workouts with moderate weights and high reps which is fine. I just kinda felt like going a little heavier today.

I did some basic moves. I remembered my original plan for this prep was KISS. Keep It Simple Stupid. No need for fancy, extravagant movements in the gym. No need to get too complicated in the kitchen. I want to keep it simple in both venues. So far it has helped. For one, my grocery bill is a lot less this prep. I've been sticking with good ol' chicken for the most part. And I actually look forward to it every day. Cod is my white fish of choice. Asparagus for my veggie and baby spinach for my salads. Breakfast is oats and egg whites blended into pancakes except on the weekends, where I make a bowl of steel cut oats and an omelet.

The area where I get inventive is my shakes. I have 7 different tubs of Whey Protein Isolate on the kitchen floor. I have sugar-free syrups, flavored extracts, crystal lite, and seasonings to add flavor to them. And I blend them with ice to make them into a nice treat. That along with my almonds is a great treat.

My diet has been spot on and I'm proud of that. I get my once a week scheduled cheat and I treat myself to dinner and a movie at the Alamo. It's been great. I go by myself and I've truly enjoyed it. It's my date with myself every week and I'm going to continue it even when my cheats are taken away. I'll have to find another theater to go to but that won't be a problem.

I've done every second of cardio. It was increased 10 minutes this week so I'm doing an even split of 25 minutes of fasted cardio in the morning on the elliptical and 25 post-training on anything but the elliptical. Trying to really get a good session every time.

So if I'm doing everything that I'm supposed to, why isn't my body responding? I'm not sure. 6 weeks down and I've lost a total of a pound. Seriously? A freakin' pound?? Not good. Not good at all. I've got my mind set on competing in every national show that I can afford to do, starting with Jr. Nationals. My body, it seems, may have other plans. I wonder how much my recent stress may be affecting my weight loss. I know it can have some effect. (effect? affect?)

Well, no matter. I'm doing my best to breathe in, breathe out, and not get too mentally wrapped up in the stress. I need to get mentally in the game and hopefully my body will follow. Dammit! It has too.

Just breathe

I'm really trying. Trying to not be consumed by stress or anger. Trying to stay calm and focused. This was supposed to be my smooth sailing year. Just put the work in, stick to my diet, and compete. It hasn't exactly happened that way but does life ever happen the way we want? No, probably not.

I've stuck to my diet and done all my training and cardio but my body doesn't seem to want to respond. I'm really scared that it won't work. I'm scared that my body is sending me a huge "screw you!" and will continue to resist all change. We'll see. I weight and take progress pics tomorrow. I'm hugely afraid of what the scale will say. I know that the scale is not my friend and that I shouldn't measure my progress by the number it gives me. Instead I should focus on how my clothes feel. Except, they don't feel any different either. Sooooo, then what? Sigh. I'm not sure. I guess I'll have to ask Jeff and see what he says. I really hope we can make this happen. This is supposed to be my year, dammit!

But stressing isn't going to help so I need to not do so. Just breathe and focus on what I'm supposed to be doing. Stick to the diet. Do my cardio. Train hard. Rest. Repeat.

So much for Happily Ever After

Haven't posted in a while and A LOT has happened. I've recently found out some very sad news about my fiancee. Correction. Ex-fiancee. Ex-girlfriend. And at this point ex-friend.

Lies. It was all lies and I'm here left to discover it all on my own. Strangely enough, I would have never have discovered any of this had she not gone off to boot camp. I'll try to make a long story short, or at least shorter.

This is what has happened based on what I've discovered:

1. She lost her job, which I knew, and was without an income. She filed for unemployment and was supposed to be looking for work.

2. At some point, she stopped paying her mortgage. Remember that I'm living in the house also. I'm guessing that she made the decision to start juggling her bills and pay other things instead. I know in this economy people are making hard decisions and not paying a mortgage in effort to eat or have heat may be one of them. But, in a relationship, these decisions are not made alone.

3. Like I said she started juggling her bills. Pay one and not the other. So on and so forth. What she did not do is talk to me about the situation. She did not share this problem with me. She did not ask for help and opted to deal all on her own. I could have and would have helped. Pay the HOA, pay the electricity, provide her with gas money. Whatever. Pay more rent so that she could have more towards the mortgage. I would've done it. Stop competing to help? I would've done it. The house was more important.

4. At some point some bills started getting missed entirely. Again, I was left in the dark. Amazingly, we were not literally left in the dark as the electricity was never turned off. She paid the home taxes so I'm guessing she skipped a lot to make that happen. I also discovered a receipt from a ticket from driving without insurance I believe. The fines, fees, and late charges are drowing her but she didn't say a word. Instead she bought my birthday present and took me to see The Color Purple for Christmas. Bad move.

5. I'd like to insert here that I at one point asked if she was making it ok. She said yes. LIES!

6. Before she left I asked if there was anything outstanding that needed to be paid. She said no and that she had even paid the tree removal service. LIES! I received a bill for that today.

Since she's been gone I've been opening her mail and checking email accounts. Everything is past due, overdue, and swimming in fees. And she left me here with this mess. She left me here to find out that the home that I'm living in may be foreclosed because the loan is in serious default. There are bills that need to be paid that I have to pay. Bills that I thought were taken care of. Her dog is in my care and needs to be vaccinated so that I can then board her when I compete. Oh, and I'm supposed to be focused and training for my shows. Trying to go pro and instead I'm super stressed out.

This whole situation has made me sick. Literally sick. I'm not losing weight like I should be and I'm constantly battling feelings of anger, sadness, and heartache. I can't believe that she lied to me. Lied and had the audacity to propose. And now that has been stripped from me. I thought I was headed to a life with her. Instead I'm alone with her mess trying to find a way to keep focused on my goals and keep from freaking out. Thanks a lot.

So, there it is. I'm hugely saddened by this. Saddened, angered, embarrassed, you name it. I now have to go back to everyone that I announced my engagement to and inform them of the change of plans. Questions, looks, whispers, that's what I get. Oh, and the "I told you so" comments of the truly cruel. I'm angry. Pissed off. I can't believe she did this.

I'm really trying to not stress too much. I've brought home boxes to start my packing and will just have to get it done. I have no idea how much time I have in the house. A month? The entire 6 months? I have no clue. I've had no contact from her. No phone calls or letters. Thanks.

So much for happily ever after.

Monday, Monday...

WooHoo it's Monday! Monday my brand new elliptical was assembled and Monday I had a fabulous shoulder workout followed by sprints on the stationary bike. I've got all new workouts and I'll run them for the next 3 weeks. Idea is to spend some time working the muscle in a certain way and then switch it up. I want to get the full benefit of an exercise and then switch it up before my body gets too comfortable. So I expect this to be a fun week because everything is new.

As I mentioned above my elliptical is here. I'm staring at it right now. I plan on having my first session on it tomorrow morning. Bright and early! This will be nice because I can do cardio in the morning before breakfast and just concentrate on lifting in the afternoon. While my cardio can all be done in one session, that is. Once it gets to about an hour I'll start splitting it up. I ALWAYS do the majority of my cardio in the morning and save the lesser amount for the afternoon. Mentally that works for me. I always want to feel like I have less work to do in the afternoon.

Sunday was my planned cheat meal. Hummus with assorted veggies and pita followed by a yummy salad. I saw a movie, The Single Man at the Alamo with dinner. Very somber movie. Next week I hope I can find something a little more light hearted. I think I'm going to continue with the trend, a movie and dinner for my cheat meal. It's my complete treat for the week. Well, it would be MORE complete with a glass of cider. But alas, I'm off the sauce for the next 10 months OR until I turn pro, whichever should happen first. Let's hope that I turn pro first. That is what I'm working for after all.

Tomorrow is a leg day. As I've written it, I'm pretty sure the program will make me vomit a little. I plan on working HARD! Lots of deadlifts written in. Wide-stance dumbbell and narrow-stance barbell, both straight-legged along with conventional deadlifts. Really hit my glute-ham area. Contests are won from the rear and I've got to make sure mine is perfect. High and tight! While the rest of me is tiny and tight. That's the look I'm going for. Alright all, I've got work to do for tomorrow. Planning and preparation is how I'm going to make it happen this year and I've got to get to it.

Fancy salads???

Happy Friday to All!

I made it through all my workouts and got all cardio sessions done. Only thing left is spin class tomorrow morning. Progress is slow but it's still progress. I'm not one of the lucky ones who has the weight magically fall off of them. I hear about these people. I know a few. Eh, I gotta work for it and working I am.

Today I did a back and plyometric workout followed by 30 minutes of cardio on the ellilptical. A very good workout. I alternate a back exercise followed by plyometrics and keep it moving for the entire workout. Lots of jumping rope, some burpees, pop squats, more jumping rope, and even more jumping rope. I was drenched by the end and it felt good. I'm working on making my back wider. One of my critiques last year was that a) my back should be wider and b) my waist is too thick. Accomplishing 'a' will magically fix 'b.' Well, not really but figure is largely about the illusion of perfection.

Got some extra chicken breast cooked last night and was able to seal it a few hours ago. I highly recommend a food saver. I have about a month's worth of chicken cooked, portioned, and sealed in the freezer. That's my emergency food in case I run out of time and can't cook. Having things pre-cooked and ready to go is an absolute necessity. At some point this weekend I need do the same with some veggies I have but that'll require blanching first. I've never tried this but I know it can be done and looked up the instructions earlier. Sounds fairly easy and a great way to preserve veggies before they go bad.

So now I'm about to go to bed. Last meal has been eaten. Not too exciting but whatever. Cod and spinach salad. Sunday I get my cheat meal and I'm unsure on whether I should cook or go out. I have a taste for spagetti squash with meat sauce and a fancy salad. By fancy I mean one with stuff in it. We'll see. Good night all. Train hard, stay focused, and breathe. That's what I tell myself.

Official first day waking up alone. I know, I know. It'll get better and it's only for a measly 6 months.

Ok, according to the State of Texas today is our 2nd holiday this week. So, Happy Confederate Hero's Day. Um, yeah. Just my luck my lab always has to have minimal staffing so I worked today. But only for a whopping 3 hours which is how long it took for us to get the necessary stuff done. Then I hit the gym. I have a strategy for great workouts. I like to focus on whatever bodypart I'm working the entire day leading up to my workout. So for the 3 hours I was at work, I kept thinking "legs, legs, legs." See the squat, feel the squat, breathe in and out and push. It's worked so far. I find it especially helpful for those really tough workouts. Like legs. And arms. (arms tomorrow)

So I hit the gym and got to it. Getting there early was nice as the place was pretty empty and I didn't have to fight for space or equipment. I started with lumberjack squats supersetted with stiff-legged deadlifts. Really focused on sitting into the squat to get my glutes and hamstrings working before I really hit them with the deadlifts. Then on to donkey kicks on the smith supersetted with frog crunches. Working my abs in allows me to rest my legs a bit and I'm a big fan of supersetting. Then sumo squats supersetted with calf raises on the smith. Again, want to really sit into the squat to get my butt in gear. I can also feel that one on my inner thighs which is nice. Then it was off to do more squats! Front squats with a dumbbell supersetted with crunches on the bench. And then I topped it off with shelcs with a little added weight for my posterior's sake. Good leg workout followed by 30 minutes of cardio.

I then came home to my yard to do a little weeding. I say a little weeding but it's a horrendous job. Jaime left the yard in disarray and now it's my job to get it up to par. We may be engaged but the yard has always been her area. I guess for the next 6 months I can work on it. It really sucked following the deadlifts and squats but I'm still alive so I'll count it as extra calories burned.

Mojo and I also went for a walk. I'm not sure what to say about that. I love this dog but she is such a spaz. This is day 1 of me re-training Mojo. We'll see how that goes.

My final act tonight is to get my food prepped for the week. I have chicken cooling that will be part of my pre-workout meals for the next 3 days. All my shakes are measured and ready to go. My breakfast and lunch is also all ready. Dinner is cooked and just waiting for assembly. Just need to cut up the chicken and I'll be done.

So that's it for today. I'm ready to shower and watch Jillian and Bob kick some butt on The Biggest Loser. Until next time.

So, I dropped J off today and I'm officially all alone. The next 6 months she'll be learning all about the army while I cardio and sweat myself to show shape. I'm expecting my elliptical to arrive sometime this week which will really help me in my efforts this year. In the past I've spent a lot of time in the gym. With J gone I really need to spend more time at home with Mojo and Zillah. And I now have yardwork, housework, etc to tend to.

I'm really motivated to do well this season. So much is riding on me doing well. I'm really pushing to turn pro. I think I've mentioned that before once or twice. But I really need to do well this year. I feel that pressure. J is gone and will worry about my prep. I want her to come home and see that I was ok. I don't want her to stress about not having been here to help me prep. I wish that I knew a few years ago what I knew now about letting her help me. Letting her into the process and opening up more. But, better late than never and I know that now.

I also really, really want to be Jeff's next client to turn pro. I feel that pressure. Do Dwelle Athletics proud. Make my friends in the sport proud and stand on stage with those that have turned pro ahead of me. I look forward to standing next to some people that I really respect and admire as a pro.

So, that's my plan. Train hard and do everyone proud. Get myself to where I want to be.

This journal is officially my contest prep journal. I'll try to be as brutally honest as possible about the highs, the lows, and everything in between.

Hope you enjoy the journey.